: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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