My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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