So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
