Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
