Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
