Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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