I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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