Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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