If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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