When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
