I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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