I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
