There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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