Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
