My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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