Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
