covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
