is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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