I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
