he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize