Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
