i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
