Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
