Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
