is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize