So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
