How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
