I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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