either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
