He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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