I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize