I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
