He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize