AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
