would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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