Your face is a jimmy john
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
