Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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