She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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