This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
