Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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