Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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