God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
