my mouth tastes like poor choices
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My bed smells like the plague
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
