Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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