She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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