I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
