Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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