O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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