I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can't put those talents on a resume
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
