can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
