You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
