everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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