I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
