she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she told me i tasted like america
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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