I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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