mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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