somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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