We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
