i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
