You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize