she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
