she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize