I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
