I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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