why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
