I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
