I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
