Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
