I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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