ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
