A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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