I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize