So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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