I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
