Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
