i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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