3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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