mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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