As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
