my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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