When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
