would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
