great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
