It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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