i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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