There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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