I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
