I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
