I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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