oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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